Unconditional Love !!

Loving our children in a real way:

Loving my daughter comes so easily when
she wins a competition,
gets high marks,
listens to me,
keeps her room clean,
finishes her food,
pays attention while studying,
sleeps on time,
Never raises her voice and
practices dance/singing/drawing without me reminding her.

That's the easy way to love....

However when I look back at my childhood I realize that the moments I really wanted love badly were when
I scored less marks,
failed in a competition,
couldn't fall asleep,
Didn't feel like studying,
Wanted to laze around,
Didn't finish the Tiffin,
Didn't complete homework,
Forgot an important assignment,
Fought with a friend,
Had a heartbreak,
Committed a mistake,
Felt guilty,
Felt lonely....

These were the moments when I needed my parents the most, I needed their assurance that it is okay to be human, to fall, to get hurt and what I wanted to listen in those moments was, "i know it hurts, but I'm here with you. Maybe we can't do anything about what happened, but I'm here with you. And I love you for what you are, always."

This is real and unconditional way to love!
Yes I wanted to hear, "I love you" loud and clear....it was the only thing that could heal my heart. Love!

It's the moments when we lose control of ourselves that we want someone to hold us, isn't it? You don't need to be perfect....just be real!

Do you chose love the easy way or the real, unconditional way?

Today no matter what your child does, choose Love and see how it heals you as a parent.

-© Gayatri Aptekar, 2017
Parent Coach, Therapist

Why We Are Not Happy Despite Our Well-Paying Jobs And Happening Social Lives !!

We live in a world of comforts. Our pizzas are delivered to us at our doorsteps; we are spoilt for choice in online shopping, choosing everything from sneakers to underwear with a simple click; even dating is as simple as swiping someone’s face right or left. We are earning big money, much more than what our parents did. We are young, we are independent, we are living it up.

Yet we are miserable. We are stressed because our jobs are not perfect; we are unhappy because our partners are not perfect; we are insecure because our bodies are not perfect. We are much more stressed than our parents were; we are definitely much less fitter than them when they were our age.  We cry ourselves to sleep sometimes; we drink to forget our woes; our relationships are short-lived.

We live in a world that is constantly telling us how to be perfect. How to achieve success, how to get the best physique, the best skin, the best partner. The pressure to be the best is real. You have arrived if you earn enough to afford a swanky car, or rent a plush house, or can be photographed partying with a chic crowd every fortnight, or are a looker who is popular with the ladies – that is the aim you have to constantly strive for. There are guys pumping iron in gyms, there are guys belting out numbers in boardrooms, marching towards their perfect lives with untiring zeal.

We have dismissed academics and replaced Sharmaji ka beta with Mr Malhotra’s engineer-turned-startup-guy son who plays the drums and drinks like a fish. He is the new role model every youngster has to aspire to become. And he is much more difficult to outshine than Sharmaji ka beta.

There is no time to breathe. You’ve got to achieve. You’ve got to have fun. And you’ve got to make sure the fun you just had is duly documented on social media sites. Having fun has become an obligation. It’s the assurance you give to yourself that all is well in your life. Or that all could be well in life. We go to bars on Friday nights after long unending weeks of slogging at the office, to bitch about our bosses and drink away our blues. Or to just give ourselves the semblance of having fun.

No kidding, we have comfortable lives and we are in good jobs, but there’s always a mini crisis lurking around. We are cranky. We are anxious. We are the brooding twenty-first-century heroes staring at an invisible tragedy in the face.

Nobody sees it but it’s real; it’s omnipresent. It’s there when we take the metro after rushing from home without eating breakfast; it’s there when our colleague nails the board meeting; it’s there when we see our friend holidaying in Belgium; it’s there when we notice that receding hairline in the mirror or the wrinkles appearing under the eyes; it’s there when your Tinder match doesn’t respond to your messages after your first date.

We are never happy. Because we are too harsh on ourselves. We never pat ourselves on the back that…hey, you are doing a great job being an adult. Instead we reprimand ourselves, push ourselves harder, stretching our limits—physical, emotional and social. We look at the perfect son of Mr Malhotra and push ourselves further, till the threads begin to snap, layer by layer. Ironically, there is hardly any parental pressure; Mr Malhotra’s son prides himself in defying tradition and so do we.

Because everyone told us to be perfect. Everyone told us to go have fun. Ambition is a bitch. It is that double-edged sword that forms the thin line between success and obsession. It is not okay to be poor and sad; but it’s acceptable to be rich and sad. Sadness is acceptable but not poverty.

Nobody told us to relax. Nobody told us it’s okay to not be perfect, it’s okay to not be ambitious. Well, technically, they did but we concluded either they were losers or just old. Because our timelines are filled with pictures clicked from the perfect angle under the perfect light. But we forget they are just pictures.

When we sleep at night, the last things we see are the screens of our phones—wandering aimlessly over timelines, trying to find something amusing to laugh at, or something fascinating to long for.  Our attention spans are terrible; we get bored easily and quickly, I checked my Facebook account 18 times while writing this article – there were no notifications there; it was a futile exercise of habit.

We forget to breathe. When was the last time you went to your office or home balcony, looked at the view and took a deep breath, not thinking anything at all? Not worrying about that pending assignment, not making mental notes of the grocery list, not thinking about your latest crush. Just existing in the moment completely.

We, the ordinary young men and women of the urban world, have control of our lives; we’ve got jobs (no matter how easy or difficult they may be), we’ve got houses to live in; we’ve got friends and family, period – we are effing on top of the world. We should be celebrating, and yet, here we are, anxious and worried to death.

14 short stories worth reading !!

01. FALL AND RISE

Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground. He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago .

02. A FATHER'S ADVICE

Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try! You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product. Amateurs started Google and Apple. Professionals built the Titanic

03. THE POWER OF UNIQUENESS

Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success. He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.

04. LOOKING BACK

Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.

05. TRY AND YOU SHALL KNOW

I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father- "Dad, can I play baseball?" He said "You'll never know until you try." When I was a teenager, I asked him, - "Dad Can I become a surgeon?". He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try." Today I am a Surgeon, just because I tried!

06. GOODNESS & GRATITUDE

Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”

07. LOVE CONQUERS PAIN

Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face.

08. A DOOR CLOSES TO OPEN ANOTHER

Today at 7AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work. At 3PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too. A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.

09. LOOKING BACK

Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”

10. AFFECTION

Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.

11. INNOCENCE

Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, “Why?” She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.” I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?” “Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.

12. JOY

Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter’s antics, I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.

13. KINDNESS

Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.”.

14. SHARING

Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”


Cheers to life.

One of the best post, ever gone through....

PARAPROSDOKIANS !!

PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left...

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26.. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

Welcome to the "STOCK" Market !!

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.

The villagers started catching the monkeys.

The man bought thousands of monkeys at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for $50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!
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Welcome to the "Stock" Market!

Five Important Lessons - The Way to Treat People

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor
Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
And had breezed through the questions until I read
The last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
Cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
Dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
The last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers,
You will meet many people. All are significant.. They
Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
Is smile and say "hello.."
I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her
Name was Dorothy.

2 - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American
Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had
Broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
Unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man
Took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
Put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
Address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
Knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
Giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
Special note was attached.
It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
The other night. The rain drenched not only my
Clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
Husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God
Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
Others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those Who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
Front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and
Studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the
Waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put t he bill on
The table and walked away The boy finished the ice
Cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress
Came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
Table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
Were two nickels and five pennies..
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
To have enough le ft to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
Roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
Anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
And simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
Anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
Vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save
her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed
next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing
the color returning to her cheek. Then his face
grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

I am Sorry Mom !!

As I got up today, I felt the smell of fresh coffee. I woke up to see a cup of coffee with some biscuits kept at my bedside table. This reminded me of home. The old school and college days, when mamma used to wake me up by serving a steaming cup of coffee. The aroma, the taste, so refreshing, still so fresh in my memories. A sudden thought hit me, “I was in bed, so who prepared this coffee for me? Is it a dream?” I pinched myself and that hurts, which meant I was not dreaming. I walked out of the room with the cup of coffee, in search of my roommate. I asked her whether she prepared that for me, and the answer was YES.

I was relaxed but somehow my heart wanted her to say NO. A no because I wanted to be in a belief that my mom prepared it for me. The whole scene reminded me of mom, and I missed her at that moment. I got ready for the office and all set to leave, when I noticed a lunch box kept at dinning table just for me. I thanked God saying, “finally he(cook) turned up”. I took the box and left for office.On my way, I was thinking about those days, when mamma used to cook my every meal. All her possible ways by which she could stuff her daughter. I could not remember any single day when I slept without food. Maggi, chips, biscuits, all junk food was banned and I always cooked maggi when I was sure that mom was not around. But now, I no more enjoy cooking maggi for myself. Almost everyday I eat it, not because I like it, but because I am left with no other option at times.

This very thought brought tears to my eyes and I decided to call up mom. I reached office and gave mom a call. The first thing she asked was, “Is everything alright?”. I was speechless. And I thought, how the time has changed. When I was with her, I used to nag her by calling after every hour when I was out with friends. In those days she never asked me what was wrong, as she knew that it was my habit. My call at this point of day to her, means that I am in trouble. Time has changed, she is still the same, and it’s me who has changed. But I continued my conversation saying that I just called up to ask how she was, and how are things going on with her. And we continued our conversation. Then suddenly an ice-breaker came when she asked, “Don’t you have any work today?” I was shocked and asked her why she asked that, in reply to which she said, it was almost 30 minutes, I have been talking to her.

I hurriedly ended the conversation saying I have to attend a meeting. I lied to her and deep down I know, she knows that I lied to her but what else can I do? The lady with whom I used to have endless conversations, sleepless nights of gossips… has all ended. I am so occupied with my new life that I forgot to spend few hours with her.

I roll backed the time and thought of every single day that I have not spent with her. This made me realize that there was not a single day when I was busy, busy in a sense to neglect my mom. The lady who gave her whole life just for me, I could not even give her the time that she deserved. I remembered how I used to tell her about all my daily happenings and how I always failed to ask about her day. It left me all in tears. I missed her and missed her to core.

I was feeling ashamed, because it was a cup of coffee that made me realize her presence in my world.

We all are here, away from our family, living with our friends, who are our new family. We spend our lunch time with them gossiping about what’s going in and around, weekends, shopping with them and even festivals as most of us are staying too far from home. And when we call home, we are in a hurry to hang up as most of are BUSY. Are we really that busy?

Think of the lady whom we have left back at home. She still misses her son/daughter at the dining table, although most of us enjoy our meals with our friends and colleagues. She still waits all day just to hear her son/daughter’s voice at the end of the day and we, we spend our time on phone with friends

Is it really that we don’t have time or is it just we are too busy with our new life?

I thank to all the mothers in this world for what we are today.

Feel Good !! You are at the best of LIFE !!

BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."